1)  When you are driving on the freeway in the snow and the rest of the traffic is going 45 MPH, then YOU should go 45 MPH or else get off the freeway.  If you are afraid to maintain freeway speeds in the snow, park the car in the garage and take the bus.  Along those lines, JS Online had a poll question that asked what annoys people most after a snowfall, fast drivers or slow drivers.  It was a dumb question, it should have asked "which drivers are more dangerous in the snow, fast drivers or slow drivers?"  Slow drivers are far more dangerous because everyone is trying to go around them causing cars to slide while switching lanes, and causing the pokey drivers to panic and drive even slower.  I was behind a car with an easy to memorize vanity plate.  I won't call out her car here, but if I ever get stuck behind her and find that she is soley causing a traffic disaster on I-894 southbound between the Zoo and the Hale again, I will identify her.

2)  Companies (and the one I work for is one of them) have this nice touchy-feeley line in the employee manual that says that it is important to strike a balance between work and family, and that we give you X-number of vacation days (based on tenure).  Then around Thanksgiving, they send the ominous "Use 'em or lose 'em" memo.  If they were so concerned about my balance, they wouldn't have had a problem with me carrying three days into next year... but I digress.  I had three vacation days to burn in December and took the three Mondays off.  Other than shovel snow and make dinner, I did nothing constructive on those days.  Great for balence, eh?

3)  Fantasy Football stinks.  And not just because I finished 7-7 (for the third year in a row) and missed the playoffs and prize money.  Bill Simmons said it the best (read the Chicago Bears comments), but to summarize, it is basically a $120 lottery.  In August you lose yourself in football websites at the expense of family to "prepare" for the draft, in September you dump the $120 entry fee (and if you are truly a sucker like me, you pay $26 for a website that does the week-to-week homework for you).  You spend countless hours caring about an otherwise meaningless Bengals/Browns game because your 3rd best running back is playing (because your best running back got injured the prior week and may not play, but by the time you choose that Browns RB, your first RB is not only healty but scores three TDs).  Despite Chef Tomas' help, my season basically ended 7 minutes into the first game on the first Sunday as my QB Tom Brady got injured.  I picked #3 in the draft and took Brady, and he got me 3 points for the entire season.  By the way, next year's draft is the first Wednesday in September at Riviera Lanes.  If you are interested....

4)  Back to the snow (because, well, it snows every third day, so it should be part of every third rant); My driveway is very long and in back fans out to a three-car garage.  In minor snowfalls, it isn't a big deal to shovel/snowblow.  But in major storms or when the snow is wet and heavy, our snowblower gets cranky (and I get crankier because that driveway seems to get longer).  I had a bright idea to call a couple of plowing services, but I couldn't believe what they quoted.  What happened to guys with plowing attachments on their pick-up trucks doing driveways for $20?

5)  The Christmas music on XM has disappointed me this year.  Last year, the "Holiday Traditions" station (XM channel 36) played the more traditional music and had quite a few instrumentals.  This year, it seems like there is far less variety, and apparently the after the merger with Sirius, the definition of "Tradition" has changed.  They didn't go a far as programming the warbling Kelly Clarkson or Celine Dionne, but I personally banned the station after hearing three times at work yesterday (in my best Casey Kasem voice) The new Number One Hated Christmas Song, The Carpenter's "Merry Christmas Darling".  This morning, I dug out my three Mannheim Steamroller CDs, The Brian Setzer Orchestra's "Boogie-Woogie Christmas" and Harry Connick's "Harry for the Holidays" and took them to work.  All I am missing is my Neil Diamond Christmas cassette tape.

6)  I will be going to Chicago (well, Hoffman Estates) to watch the Milwaukee Wave play the Chicago Storm this Saturday.  I will also watch the rematch from the US Cellular Arena on New Year's Eve.  I plan on comparing the venues, presentation, talent, etc., and talk about the new XSL.  If I get around to it, I will also comment on the rival NISL.

7)  I have a theory on how TV weather forecasters predict snowfall amounts.  First, be the first to predict any snow.  Then let your competitors quote an expected amount (say, 2" - 4").  Then another competitor tops it (3" - 6").  By this time, the storm has gotten closer and the original predictor not only tops it (5" - 10"), but also pin points it to neighborhoods.  The bottom line is that the fish will go to the TV station with the most ominous forecast, so the forecasters need to have the biggest hook.  As long as I am beating up on TV weatherdorks, didja ever notice that when TV stations interrupt their programming for an update from the weather office, the guy has his tie loosened, his top button undone, the coat off and the sleeves rolled up.  20 minutes later when the local news starts, he is fully dressed.  MARKETING, PEOPLE.  That rolled-up-sleeve look is to make you think he is working hard... and everybody falls for it.  They aren't making the weather, they are looking at the radar and reading the National Weather Service alerts.  I am not saying that the weather guys aren't trained and are or aren't worth their money.  I am saying that during rough weather, they are not working so hard that they have to get practically undressed.  They do it so you think they are working that hard.

8)  Which public agency will be the first to cancel an activity or meeting tonight because it is supposed to snow starting between 9:00 and midnight?  Never mind.  I just checked and the Greendale Park and Rec department cancelled an activity for tonight.  It isn't even supposed to START snowing until bedtime!  Arrggghhh!  

9)  Las Vegas got their largest December snowfall in history (4+ inches in some spots) yesterday in the storm that is headed our way.  I can't wait to call a former supplier in Las Vegas and complain to him about sending his weather to us!

10)  Wrap up... My-Sugar-Na said she wanted to guest blog, still waiting... Mitten told me this morning as I was driving him to his school bus stop that it looked like people were already driving slower because snow was expected later today.  And when I looked around, he was right... Gasoline, steel and copper prices are crashing, why am I not seeing price decreases from my suppliers?...  My elbow is feeling much better and my bowling scores are showing it.  I am looking forward to tournament season starting in January... Nice... Not that I am promoting this, but just passing along that the Lingerie Football League has placed a team in Chicago for the 2009 season... Our company is catering lunch tomorrow.  Should be lots of leftovers as I can't imagine good attendance tomorrow... Don't say Happy Holidays.  At least man-up and say which holiday that you want to be happy.  Merry Christmas, Solemn Ramadan, Kwazy Kwanzaa, whatever.  But this is still a country founded by Christians, don't be afraid to say Merry Christmas; you'll be right far more often then you'd be wrong...  If you enjoy my blog, don't be afraid to tell him that I deserve a Christmas Bonus.

I voted this morning at Wilson Elementary School on 88th & Orchard.  I got in line at 6:40 AM and was about 30th in line.  By the time 7:00 rolled around there must have been 150 people in line.  I got out of there by 7:15, and the line was even longer than it was at 7:00.

I was 12th in Ward 20, I told the lady my name, and she wrote a "12" next to my name.  Then she found the page for the other book guy and waited for him to also write "12" next to my name.  God bless the election workers, but this elderly gentleman should have been nowhere near an area where speed would have been an asset.  I'm not trying to be mean, but his fingers weren't turning the pages well, and his hand was shaking when writing the "12" next to my name.  Notwithstanding the old guy trying to help America vote, but neither of these two did anything to check my address, nor did they hide the book from me.  As these two were getting their "12"s straight, I could have easily - easily - taken mental note of other people's last names and gotten back in line to vote.  I am sure they wouldn't have recognized me.  I also could have come back later when recognization would have been even more remote.

I look at the rest of the volunteers at the polling place and think of how much more organized and efficient it could have been.  For example, the line was single file on the school's playground until the doors opened at 7:00.  Then a worker came out and said that Ward 20 should use the left door and Ward 19 should use the right.  However there was no map available, and lots of people didn't know where they should be.  Nobody seemed too concerned about being shuttled from one line to the other or "skipping" somebody else in line, but the dual lines should have been set-up (with a ward map handy) at least 15 to 30 minutes before the polls opened.

Now picture a double door, with lines going into both doors.  Do you see this in your mind?  Do you now see people trying to EXIT the polling place?  I didn't have to picture it in my mind.  I did get the honor of squeezing my svelt 300ish pound frame past a lady of equal carraige through a door that she was in no hurry to vacate.  And with the speed of the checker-inners, that line wasn't moving really quickly to assist my egress.

I see the aging-but-trying-hard set running the polling place like it is an episode of The Wonder Years set in the early-70s.  But this is 2008.  Let's work smarter, not harder.  The whole set-up is due for a massive overhaul.  (Side note; please people, I am not picking on the workers.  Don't post comments that I don't want to see the old guy with shaky hands.  Don't tell me that seniors have a right to volunteer.  I get it.  But I think the entire idea of a quaint, small-town, everybody knows each other, "Gee, isn't the right to vote swell?" set up of Election Day should be abandoned at once.  I read JSOnline's accounts of long lines at the polling places, and know this can be improved.)

Let's start at the location.  Wilson School is nice, but the actual part of the building has a major bottleneck at the doorway.  If there isn't a different part of the school that would allow for exiting a different door than entering OR if there isn't a part of the school to allow the lines to be inside the building, then another location is needed. Think big and use the State Fair Park Expo Center.  Certainly the room is available for many, many wards from all over West Allis and even Milwaukee, and there wouldn't be problems both entering and exiting.  And nobody can complain about a lack of parking.

Next are the workers.  Maybe seniors can be used like a Wal-Mart greeter, but what kind of workers get excited about American civics and can also be motivated in non-financial ways?  That's right, high schoolers that can get a day off of school, earn a higher letter grade and also extra curricular credit on college applications.  Lots of high school students - pumped full of Mountain Dew and Rock Star Energy Drink  - will have the energy to work at a high pace all day long.  When a voter comes to his place in line, the voting log (hidden by the counter that would be there) would be out of site and the voter should have to state his name and address to get a ballot.

Now, about segregating the wards (or even the cities).  Think of the type of business that might have many people looking for something.  How do grocery stores do it?  Right.  Big ol' signs suspended from the ceiling or on a pole.  At Sentry, when you know exactly what you want (bread, peanut butter and milk), a quick look at the aisle listings get you to the areas you need to be.  And at checkout time, that "Express Lane" is pretty easy to find, isn't it?  Apply that logic to the polling place, and nobody should be confused about where to go to check-in.

Then we get to the on-site registration.  The fact that Wisconsin allows it is a joke, but the way it is administered is even worse.  At my site this morning, new registrants went to the front of the line.  I understand that the process takes longer, but even if you register them right away, then they should go to the back of the line.  However, in a larger venue with a clearly distinguished location for new registrants to apply, not only would they be "cutting" in front of people, but upon completion of the process the line in that person's ward would be quite short.

Vote fraud is a constant concern, and one of the objections is that there aren't enough officials to be stationed at all of the polling places.  But having many wards in one large venue would not spread election officials out too thin.

Another problem that we hear about on days with large voter turnout is in hardware... the lack of booths themselves, runing out of ballots, ballot reading machine fails, etc..  Having one large venue would certainly require numerous machines, so if one or two breakdown there would be many others on the same site so that the outage would be barely noticable.  And when it comes to reporting the precincts at the end of the day, one location reporting would allow for one large block of returns instead of having them trickle in.

Now, if the large venue couldn't be "donated" for the couple days, how could we pay for this?  Concessions!  Most polling places in schools already have bake sales so people are trained to buy brownies upon the completion of voting.  If the Expo Center won't allow their equipment to be used, you can still set up stands in many locations within the Expo Center for food, drinks, merchandise (what die-hard lefty wouldn't want to buy a donkey-logoed baseball cap?)

I realize that some of my ideas would need some fine tuning, and may not work in other parts of the city (I am thinking that the main concourse of Miller Park could be used, as could the east and west atrium of the Bradley Center, large hotel ballrooms, etc).  But overhauling the entire Election Day Experience is an idea whose time has come.

And I have two teenagers who will be told to happy to volunteer.

The thousands of you - well, make that the 18 of you that actually read my blog post from last week - may be wondering how the pre-Hallowe'en weekend worked out.  Well, do I have a story for you...

Thursday evening, (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Baby Brother, St. Jon, called with another potential doin' for the weekend.  I had forgotten that Downtown West Allis was holding its Meet & Treat from 10:00 AM to Noon on Saturday along W. Greenfield Ave. 

So during the best weather segment of last weekend, My-Sugar-Na and I took the daughters (Gooey and Sloppy) and met St. Jon and his wife, Strawberry Fields, and kids Jelly Bean and Mr. Cranky Pants behind City Hall to start meeting and treating.  The three girls ranged from scary to cute (clockwise from upper left, Gooey, Sloppy and Jelly Bean)...

Also in tow was Vier Pogo Squad 51, dressed as his "separated at birth" twin, Law & Order charachter Max Greevey...

Along the way, St. Jon mentioned that Jelly Bean was afraid of big, mascot type charachters.  But not too long after he said that, we found favorite Sesame Street charachter Elmo (on the left, with St. Jon in the center and Jelly Bean on the right)...

(Side note:  Nobody believes me when I tell them, but the puppeteer and voice for Elmo on Sesame Street is a 6'5" black guy.  Don't believe me either?  Read this.)

 Following closely behind on Greenfield Ave. were Strawberry Fields (pushing Mr. Cranky Pants) and My-Sugar-Na...

Overall it was a great time.  We started right about 10:00 AM and the volume was light as we headed east from S. 75th St.  But by the time we reached the turnaround on S. 70th St., there were kids everywhere!  At a couple of stores, the lines were at least 10 deep.  However, we completed the loop in about 75 minutes, and the kids got quite a haul.

After bidding adieu to St. Jon's family, we went home and plotted our course.  Still expecting bad weather all day Sunday, we let the girls talk us into driving to our previous neighborhood in Bay View for their nighttime Trick-or-Treat that Saturday evening.  (Side note:  I have lived in three different Bay View neighborhoods in my life, and some of the areas can get a little seedy.  However, there are a lot of nice homes in Bay View, especially between Howell Ave. and Pine St. just south of Oklahoma Ave.  It was in that area where I was stunned by the number of Obama yard signs.  They outnumbered McCain signs 10:1.  So the first house that we approach that has an Obama yard sign allows me to comment "Kids, get your candy here this year.  By next year if Obama wins, they won't be able to afford to give away candy".  Right next door was another Obama yard sign, and I said "Kids, get your candy her...." at which point, My-Sugar-Na says that kids dressed in costume don't care about what I think.  Sigh.  I'd better keep her occupied on November 4th, just in case.)

We get home around 8:30 Saturday night with enough candy to compete with Freese's.  Once the girls collapse into a sugar coma and go to bed, My-Sugar-Na and I discuss the fact that I only procured a cannister of 240 Tootsie Pops. Because I - as man and blogger - know everything, I assure her that due to the weather forecast, of course it will be enough candy.

So Sunday morning rolls around, and it is beautifully bright and sunny.  A little chilly, sure, but not nearly as bad as had been predicted.  Sigh.  So not only do I start worrying about my 240 suckers, but the girls start begging relentlessly about allowing them to Trick-or-Treat AGAIN.  I give in to them, and at 1:00 PM, my wife dutifully begins passing out the candy to the children.

Although the weather slowly deteriorated to cloudy and windy (and with a few rain drops for good measure), the kids kept coming...

OK, so we ran out of candy.  Sort of.  You see, two prior Trick-or-Treating events gave us lots of, um, let's call them "reinforcements".  I dutifully counted 25 suckers (Dum-dums, Charms, you name it) from both Gooey's and Sloppy's stashes, snuck them into the Tootsie Pop cannister, and we made it stretch until all children had been serviced.  And until they read this (unless they stop looking once they see their photo) they are nonethewiser.

(Side note: When Mitten was way, way younger - as in "pre-Gooey", he was to small too eat all of the Hallowe'en candy and Easter candy that he received.  One particular year we ran out of candy for handing out, so we actually went into the cannister of Easter and the previous year's Trick-or-Treat candy that we never finished [actually, I think we had plum forgot about it until it was "go" time].  At least the re-candying we did Sunday afternoon was only a day old instead of that year old stuff!)

Now with that said, why isn't Trick-or-Treat on Hallowe'en Night?  It worked out great in Bay View, and also in the Wedgewood Park neighborhood (in which I lived in a prior life) where Trick-or-Treating is at night.  It is way cooler than on a Sunday afternoon.

There will be one last event for My-Sugar-Na and Vier Pogo Squad 51, that would be the "Howl at the Moon Dog Walk" in New Berlin on Wednesday, October 29th @ 6:30 PM.  Our own Max Greevey will hope to win the costume contest.

I am trying to like my kids more (today, at least).

When I was growing up, the worst thing about a cold day for trick-or-treat was having to wear a big winter coat over that wonderful Superman costume that had been handcrafted by some machine in China and purchased at the Chase Avenue K-Mart.  As I grew up, that is one of those images that is kind of depressing.... some parent spent good money on a cosutme - or worse, put hours and hours of love and care into a costume - that would be hidden by a jacket and mittens.

Now for some reason, as I go through the mental file of taking my kids trick-or-treating as they grew up, I remember scads of unseasonably warm, sunny days.  Last year, I believe, was a nice day (I remember walking to Walgreens for the emergency second supply of candy without any jacket).  I remember when Mitten was about six or seven, our Wedgewood Park neighborhood had a nighttime trick-or-treat, and we invited most of Mitten's class for trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.  While the moms took the kids, the fathers sat on our front porch drinking beer and handing out the candy.  If it were cold, I don't know if we would have been outside...most likely we would have been in the basement ignoring the doorbell ringing.

Fast forward to this season.  Both of our girls, Gooey and Sloppy, are getting excited about Halloween coming up.  Both spent an unusual amount of time mentally designing their costumes.  I know My-Sugar-Na purchased Sloppy's costume a couple of weeks ago, I believe that Gooey got her's this week.  Both can't wait for West Allis'ses trick-or-treat this Sunday.

And last night the Weatherdick on the Weatherdeck (sorry, I can't take credit for that one... Dave Berkman had called him that for years when he wrote for the Shepard Express) said that it would be cold, rainy and possibly snowy during the day on Sunday.  My first thought was that there is no way they are going out without jackets.  My second thought was that in that weather, there is no way I am sitting outside handing out candy.

Thank goodness for third thoughts.  I think we're going to skip trick-or-treating this year, and instead take the girls - in costume - to varous Hallowe'en activites in the area.  Although I am still reviewing this list, it looks like we might hit the Zoo on Saturday for their Halloween Trick-or-Treat Spooktacular as the weather Saturday shouldn't be TOO bad.  Then on Sunday, we might take in Not-So-Scary Halloween at the Betty Brinn Museum.  Then just to get one final use out of those costumes, we might go on Wednesday to the Howl at the Moon Dog Walk in New Berlin. 

I'm sure Vier Pogo Squad 51 would get a kick out of that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Animals and those creepy alien-type things on Stargate:  Today I am pleased to turn over my humble little blog to my favorite wife, My-Sugar-Na!  Please give her your undivided attention. 

After attending a MyCommunityNOW bloggers meeting last night I decided that my husband doesn't talk about West Allis enough in his blog so I am guest blogging.  Here goes.....

West Allis really is a great place to live.  I've lived in many parts of Milwaukee, from Bay View to the NW side of the city.  I even moved down to Racine for a while and then left WI all together for a few years, only to be lured back to Milwaukee.  My family has only lived in West Allis for a few years, but I really like the community.  The residents in my neck of West Allis are friendly enough and tend to keep their houses and yards well-kept.  A bonus, I thought, is that the city trims the tree branches away from the utility lines once a year.  That's a great service and saves me the time and money of having to hire someone to do that chore.

Recently the trees in our neighborhood received their annual trimming.  I didn't think anything of the tree trimming sign in the road (except that is was blocking my drive way and I had to drive up the curb to get into the drive) and I didn't even pay attention to the workers with chain saws or the wood chipper doing its thing.  I was actually glad to see my tax dollars at work.

Then it happened.  The tree in front of our house was really trimmed down; way down.  All the branches were gone; the only thing left was the bare trunk.  I didn't even notice.  My husband told me when he realized that the dog's two tree potty stop was a little brighter than usual.  Maybe the trimmers got carried away and took off too much or we misbehaved in the community and were being punished or maybe the tree was just sick.

Not knowing what was going on and being too lazy to call someone to find out, we just accepted that fact that we now had a bare tree trunk in the front of the house.  At least we would have an interesting landmark to tell people about when giving directions to our house...when you get to the giant stick in the ground, you've found us.

A few days ago I got home from work to find the tree trunk was gone.  Wow, either vandals were at work or we really did something naughty!!!

Yesterday I got home from work to see that the "Digger's Hotline" workers had made a visit to our front yard.  The underground utilities were pointed out with spray paint and little flags.

I asked my husband what he planned to dig for in the front yard - this is the same guy who made us use the broken kitchen faucet for two years because he didn't think he knew how to replace it and then boasted on his blog about practically being a plumber!!!  Needless to say, he's not very mechanically inclined.  The thought of him digging holes in the yard scared me to death.  Come to think of it, if he dug holes in the yard where would he park cars during State Fair????

After a whole lot of reassurances that he was not planning on nor intending to dig anything resembling a hole in the front yard we realized that the tree that was first shaved and then cut down would be completely gone.  The stump was going to be dug up.

Poor tree.... I wonder if we will ever we worthy enough to have another tree in out yard again?   I'm sure this is my husband's fault.  He probably wanted the tree gone to make it easier for State Fair parkers to get in and out of the yard.

Thank you to everybody who expressed their concern.

Before I get into my rant on the Olympics, let me first, the wrap-up my State Fair commentary.

On the last day of the Fair on Sunday, we were able to park 15 cars... the first 13 (my yard's capacity) were parked in about 90 minutes.  All told for the Fair, we parked 128 cars in 11 days, and we increased our revenue by 40%.  State Fair officials reported a 9% increase in attendance, and I think that perfect weather had a lot to do with it.

When My-Sugar-Na returned, I promised her anything she wanted for dinner.  She chose a return trip to the State Fair, so after parking the last blue Nissan Sentra in our garage about 6:00 PM, we headed northeast, knowing that - at best - we had three hours before closing.  With (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son, Mitten and Official Stepdaughter, Sloppy, in tow, My-Sugar-Na had three things in mind for dinner; onion rings, corn and a hamburger.

When we were at the Fair on Thursday evening, we stood in one particular spot and could smell a heavy dose of onions.  We could see Miss Katie's Diner and a sign for onion rings, so we assumed that was the place.  Although the rings from Miss Katie's were good, I think we figured out that the onion smell was coming from Charlie's Italian Sausage stand.  Smelling them, Mitten decided that was his dinner instead of anywhere else.

Next was a stop at the traditional New Berlin Lions Club corn stand... for corn.  Then we made it to the Beef trailer for My-Sugar-Na's hamburger while I had a surprisingly tender ribeye sandwich.  At that point, she said it was time to go.  Mitten and Sloppy were allowed to stay there while we headed home.  While headed out a little after 7:30, and they had stopped selling tickets.  There were still plenty of people at the Fair - with more coming in - and it made me wonder why the Fair ends at 9:00 on the last Sunday.  Would two more hours hurt anyone?  Based on the number of people that I saw, I would tend to think that there would still be money to be made for vendors and restaurants.

All in all, it was a great Fair... for both the residents of the area as well as the folks that brought you the Fair.  Bring on 2009.

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Which brings me to the Olympics.  I could - and want to - go on and on about what is wrong with the Olympics (side note, I still have a week to rant about them, so stay tuned.)  But my biggest complaint is that the Olympics is about anything BUT the athletes. 

I know that NBC spent a kajillion dollars in television rights fees, and a few bazillion more on all of the technical folks and talent to be on-site in Bejing to bring us the sights and sounds.  And sponsors pay untold amounts to be the Official-this or Official-that.  Then you have the equipment providers that want the athletes to win, only so they can say that their equipment was used by the medal winners.  (You may be saying "But Mr. Freemarket, if NBC and Speedo think they can make a buck, what is the problem?")  The problem is that this is an athletic competition.  But that doesn't seem to matter to anybody.

For example, Michael Phelps will win all those medals.  Neither Phelps the person nor any of his dozen competitors even matter... just the "Michael Phelps brand" does;  the world records, Mark Spitz, his mom hugging Cris Collinsworth, etc.  In every one of the races there are from seven to 31 other competitors.  Not one of those other swimmers matter, basically, they are just ballast to the story.  Did, say, the Swiss swimmer have a recent injury to overcome?  Is the Japanese swimmer in Lane 7 upset that in a previous race there might have been some preferential treatment?  We'll never know, because the "Michael Phelps brand" is in the race.

Another big picture example is that in the telecasts, coverage is slanted to only one opponent.  For the Teenage Girls Gymnastics Team event, it was the USA vs. the Chinese.  Period.  Was anyone else competing?  The only way to find out is outcue to commercials, when the graphics of the current standings are shown.  Near the end, NBC showed a graphic that China was leading the USA by one point.  Then during the floor exercise, Johnny Sac's relative choked, and in the final standings the Chinese won by a couple of points.  A graphic then showed that Romania took the bronze medal a full 7-1/2 points back.  The USA teeny-boppers were falling, fouling and dropping all over the place... in terms of covering the event, it sure would have put it in perspective to see how awful those other teams were.  But nope, no objective broadcasting here.  The brand was the super-cute American girls (who weren't expected to win) against those mean, underage Chinese.

When the world stops adoring the Olympics for something its not (an athletic competition) and accepts something it is (a made-for-TV, infomercial), then maybe I can get into watching them.  Until then, I am banished to the bedroom TV waiting for the Brewers to start their west coast games.

The second Saturday of the State Fair has always been a gold mine for lawn parkers like me.  And this year was no exception.

Starting at 10:30 AM, cars started streaming into our yard.  Again, I am 3+ blocks from the southwest entrance, so if I am starting to get cars, imagine what residents on 84th between Greenfield and I-94 were doing!  Among those streamers, however, was non-revenue squatter Knobbleknees and my brother, Mr. Uncie (which actually was fair, as they resuced me from Arlington Park racetrack on Friday afternoon).

But the neighborhood was a-buzz.  Folks were excited about the Fair.  One lady that had parked her car was standing a chatting with me about the business (and by the business, I do mean the industry) when her children were literally tugging on her shorts to start walking. 

And it was non-stop.  By 12:30 PM we had 10 cars but we took a break as I had ordered Johnny V's Family Meal Deal and that's when the delivery driver arrived.  We ate lunch on the porch and watched the neighbors look at our yard and start to set-up shop.  Once we got back to work we filled our yard in no time at all.

I went inside to catch my breath and contacted My-Sugar-Na, who is unavailable to help this weekend, and said that I was coming for a visit.  Before I had a chance to get up, three cars had left and those spots had been replaced before I had a chance to react.  (Side note, I have been critical of both My-Sugar-Na's and my own children for their lack of help with this year's Fair.  But I think just the non-stop nature of Orchard St. yesterday kept them motivated.  All four of them did a bang-up job, and with one exception, they did not make me want to jam a waving flag through the ears.  This weekend has become very disjointed, and they generally have risen to the challenge).

(Another side note, the kids help allowed me to get on-line and order a week's worth of groceries from Peapod.  Their prices are higher than Pick-N-Save, but like a grocery store they have specials that bring down the prices many of the items on my list.  I bought everything except milk - which we can get from Speedway or Walgreens - and bread which is always cheap at the used bread store two blocks down.  After reviewing my list and reviewing the charges - including the delivery and fuel surcharge but less the new shopper discount, I figure it only cost me about $10 to $15 more.  But between parking cars all week and the other things going on, it is actually the best $15 that I've spent in a long time).

After returning around 5:00 PM, the kids told me that they had replaced six more cars (in three hours!)  A quick walk-through of our yard showed that all the vehicles were cars (no SUVs or minivans in the bunch).  This allowed for significant parking efficiencies - shorthand for "Geez, lets cram some more cars in here!"  At one point, I had 15 cars... two above the previous considered capacity.  About that time, Knobbleknees and Mr. Uncie came back and showed us an indian-style dress that they had purchased (far more exciting than a chamois, but not quite to the level of bed linens).  I thought it was a little expensive, bit Knobbleknees mentioned that it was 2-1/2 times more expensive at the Woodfield Mall, so she couldn't resist.  Fair nuff.

Around 7:00 PM, a couple of cars had left, so I asked my kids to hang back and fill the spaces as I took My-Sugar-Na's daughter for a visit.  When I got back a couple of hours later, my kids said that they filled up again really quick. 

For the day, a new James Family record of 30 revenue cars were parked... the third record of this Fair.  With one more glorious day to go, we have parked 110 cars.  As I mentioned last week, I think the slower economy has been a boon to the Fair, and wonderful mild and less humid air on six of those days has taken away an excuse for some people.  In my first entry last week, I mentioned that I couldn't get excited about parking cars last year.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  The neighborhood just isn't going to look the same tomorrow.  (Side note to KBK Pack Fan... one more day of car parking stories, then I can talk about stuff that more poeple than I care about... like the brewing war between Russia and Georgia).

Props to (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Stepchildren, Grizzly and Sloppy for parking 17 cars on the lawn with no parental assistance.

Due to a family situation, updates may not be to my high standards this weekend.  Bear with me and things will look better next week.

Once again on Thursday, autos were streaming into the yard between 4:00 PM and 6:00 PM.  I have concluded that it is because the neighbors are not yet home from work so our unpaid, underage staff gets a jump.  We parked nine cars (although one was my cousin, although she paid double the rate) before the signs came out in the neighborhood.  My-Sugar-Na and I stayed out until about 6:30, and decided that was long enough to head to the Fair ourselves.

Last year when we went to the Fair, My-Sugar-Na was ahead of the curve by buying her ticket from a nogoodnik in front of Walgreens (who had sold her a used ticket).  This year we had taken advantage of the Brewers Doubleheader Deal and had our tickets in hand since early-June.  We made that laborious trek quick hop, step and jump from our house to the Fair, and the fun began

Upon entering the Fair, we didn't even waste time with dinner... it was onto the cream puffs.  With sticky fingers and faces, we then started milling the grounds aimlessly.  I did get to Ruben's BBQ, and although I saw someone gnawing at Rib Tips, I decided to have the Hot Link so we could continue strolling the Fairgrounds.  It was nice and spicy, but the sweet BBQ sauce offset it nicely.  It was a well-spent fin.

Our next stop was Mo-Joes (formerly Shakey's).  Not for the pizza, but to check up on (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Stepson, Grizzly, who was in the back cutting pizza and stuff.  Did he see us?  Youbetcha he did.  His mother and I waved, and shouted "Hi (Grizzly)" over and over, while he pretended to ignore us.  His co-workers, however, got a big kick out of it.

We did the racing pigs (by the way, I liked Robinson's Racing Pigs way more than the current Hogway Speedway), and the Wisconsin Products hall, and the typical stuff, however almost all of the animal barns were empty.  It is unfortuanate that a wholesale changeover was happeneing while we wanted to visit the piggies and moo-cows.  There were some cows and horses still around, but we got tired of chasing ghosts so we moved on.

After the obligitory stop at Lefty's Milk Barn, My-Sugar-Na still has $20 burning a hole in her pocket.  I think it is goofy to buy stuff from the flea market vendors or the Expo hall... especially if you have to carry it around the rest of the day.  But (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Father told her recently that he allows him self one $20 silly impulse purchase each year, thereby sanctioning My-Sugar-Na's shopping spree.  Apparently it didn't count that - when we were in the building with dogs - that she spent not one, but TWO dollars on the Get Kissed by a Dog booth.  The doggie in the booth was cute, but My-Sugar-Na doesn't let ME kiss her that wet and sloppily.

Walking down the Grandstand shopping villiage, I beat her to the punch by buying some 400-thread count, Egyptian Cotten bed linen.  They were $21 (with tax) but I park cars for a living, I've earned that extra buck.  My-Sugar-Na, however, was besides herself.  "I don't see anyone else carrying bed sheets.  Everybody has mops, and I want a chamois, but NOBODY has a bag of sheets".  Personally, I think she is sore that I bought something before she did.

A little while later, while I am eating my Fried Snickers bar with one hand while still grasping my priceless posession in the other, she notices that the Expo hall closes at 10:00, and we only have about 25 minutes for her to spend her $20. 

I never like the Expo hall normally because it gets so crowded, and there are kids (and those damn strollers) all over the place.  But at 9:45, it is quite empty... a lovely shopping experience indeed.  Being emptier than normal, it affords My-Sugar-Na the opportinity to spot the Sham-WOW booth.  Along the way, we found a booth that sold the latest generation of Ginsu knives, and we asked the guy for a demonstration.  He said it was too close to closing time, and since Saturday is Media Day, he couldn't show us how to cut a hammer in half with a knife.  But he did give us two plastic trinkets, and then spent five of our precious minutes showing us how the orange peeler and apple corer worked.  I pull My-Sugar-Na away... we are running out of time.

After racing through the Expo hall, here's the funny part - and trust me, if I tell you in advance it was funny, imagine if you were there! - I counted FOUR booths selling the same linens that I just bought, but we never saw a mop or chamois vendor.  OMG it was a hoot!  "There's a linen guy" I would say.  Then she would swat me in the arm.  "Look, another one".  "Ooooohhhh.  Bedsheets!".  WHAP.

Finally at 10:05 (five minues past closing time... I am just glad that the bunko squad didn't get us for making an after hours purchase) my lovely bride buys a $14 item from a vendor of dog bric-a-brak.  We leave the Expo hall, make one more trip to Mo-Joes to embarass say goodbye to Grizzly and we make our way home.  Four hours of fun.  I kind of wish we had time to go again.  However, I still have spots open on my lawn, and there are still three more days (with outstanding weather forecast) for everybody else to go and have a good time.

What an odd day on Wednesday. 

(Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Stepston, Grizzly, manned the parking flag (or more appropriately, teenaged the parking flag) yesterday afternoon.  At about 4:30, he called and said that he had parked three cars within a half hour.  Strange, because there wasn't even any neighborhood traffic the previous two days.  By the time I got home from work he had parked two more, and another two within minutes after I got home.  And then it stopped.

There was then no more traffic.  Of course at this time, every neighbor who also returned home from work saw the cars in our yard and pulled out their flags and signs. Not one of them parked a car.  I guess this was just our day!

Today (Thursday), My-Sugar-Na will be going to the Fair.  I'll have a REAL State Fair blog entry either later tonight or tomorrow morning.

No traffic in the neighborhood last night.

But I am intrigued by the scamming of State Fair tickets.

A little backstory... I have spent parts of the past 15 years as what many incorrectly call a "ticket scalper".  In the mid-90s until about five years ago, my good friend (I'll call him Pete) ran a legitimate business called Wholesale Tickets & Tours with his partner Jeff.  Pete is a stand-up guy, but Jeff was always a little shady, and the business collapsed when Jeff died unexpectedly.  As Pete got out of the business, my good friend (I'll call him Scott) basically took his place in the marketplace by starting Brew City Tickets (based in West Allis, by they way).

So having worked with my buddies on the acquisition and sale of tickets (less so in the last few years), I am quite aware of how the business works.  That's why it is so disturbing to find that almost 5000 people have tried to enter the State Fair with used tickets.  For lack of a better term, illegitimate ticket people are hurting those that do this for a living... and do it the right way.

And don't think that any - ANY - venue or promoter doesn't want legitimate ticket brokers.  If Ticketmaster wanted to, they could CRUSH all ticket brokers.  But they don't want to.  In the case of Ticketmaster events, almost all brokers buy tickets from Ticketmaster (either in person or on-line) and Ticketmaster gets their "convenience charge" on every ticket.  They don't always collect that charge if attendees buy their tickets from the box office.  Also, promoters LOVE the buzz of the media when a newspaper story mentions that "Scalpers are getting $400 a ticket".

State Fair is equally complicit.  They get into bed with the Brewers, for example, for marketing tie-ins.  Thousands of other tickets are distributed, and group sales are pushed.  All ticket brokers - real ones and scammers alike - buy State Fair (and Summerfest) group tickets to make a profit.  And State Fair takes their money happily, because that money is important in advance of the event. 

And here is where State Fair folks are in their glory.  They've sold all of these tickets in advance.  They have that money.  Now a few nogoodnicks start screwing around, and now State Fair is telling patrons to only buy from their ticket window.  They are basically trying to sell the same ticket twice.  I would love to be in that kind of business.

Putting my cards on the table, State Fair can do what it wants.  It has the supply - tickets for a ticket only event - and there is demand.  And although it sucks that the legitimate brokers, like Scott, are hurt, they are also parts in the free market cog.  They made a business decision to buy bulk blocks of tickets, and some bad guys are screwing it up for them.  But the blame lies squarely with the morons who are selling already used tickets as new.  They didn't pay anything for the tickets, and they are hurting the ticket brokers.

Feel free to contact Brew City Tickets and help Scott get rid of his inventory that is now poisoned by some crooks.

On my way home from work this evening, driving east on Greenfield Ave., I turned right onto 86th St. to see what the parking situation was like.

Dead.  Very, very dead.  When I got to my block, there was not one car on one lawn... as a matter of fact, there was a parking space available on the street right across from our house.  Nobody was even outside waving cars in.  Was it the forecast of a hot, humid day?  Or was it the forecast of potentially heavy rain in the evening?

Last year (on State Fair Monday) when I got home from work, My-Sugar-Na had parked one car on the lawn.  We took that fiver to Capri on 84th & Beloit for their lasagna special.  Today, she decided we were going there without first parking a car.  Such heresy, I say.

As I first slump into the recliner to get some energy to go out, we begin to watch the local “bleeding heart or scare people needlessly entertainment program".  Those friends we can count on did a story on a family that lives on 84th St., across from the Fairgrounds, that has been parking cars since about 1755.  As a matter of fact, this family knocked down a garage wall so that cars could drive directly through to the back of the lot.  Of course, the professional journalists that they are, bring us the story as if residents parking cars in their yards first happened on Saturday.  But they work in Brown Deer... they can't be expected to know about something attended by only 800,000 people per yer.

I thought that was funny.  The slowest day of the year at the Fair, and they run a story on family parkers.

A record setting day in the mobile child delivery system industry.  22 cars parked beat the record (of 21 cars set yesterday).  However to be fair, My-Sugar-Na and I made more money yesterday, as the "Demand is more than supply" theory set the pricing.  And to prove the free market works, today "Supply was more than demand", so pricing needed to be adjusted accordingly.  However as of tonight, we are 60% of what we made last year, with a full week to go.  My theory that more folks are taking local vacations seems to be bearing out. 

However, I did park two cars with Illinois plates today.  They were both good sports, however, none agreed to pay the "The Cubs can *** my *** tax.  They also wouldn't pay the $20 exit fee to leave my driveway.  Typical Cubs fans.

So my lovely bride and I park 22 cars (with a yard capacity of 12) from 11:00 AM through 6:00 PM, and I fire up the ol' grill for dinner.  We eat, I shower, then flop exhaustedly onto the couch with the intent of flipping mindlessly through the channels, while thinking of how I can get to a craps game with my parking take (before My-Sugar-Na blows it all on bills and school supplies).  The plan was to fall asleep on the couch around 8:00 PM, wake up when the missus goes to bed, then get on-line and make this blog entry. 

I start flipping the channels at 4.  Then 5.  Then 6.  Then I drop my remote control.  There is a camera pointed at some clouds in Green Bay, and within seconds, a private plane lands at Apple Struedel airport.  Brett Favre has made it to terra firma in Wisconsin.  But why in the hell are we now watching his car drive to his house?  Why is the camera in the helicopter (why is there a helicopter?) following Favre's SUV OJ-style until he pulls into his garage.  Did Favre kill his former wife and her current lover?  Does he have a gun to his head?  Does this mean the Houston Rockets are about to win the NBA title this week?

No.  It means three things.  It means that (1) it is raining in Green Bay and they are delaying the start of the Packers Family Night exhibition (which in it self is a reason to be upset... we are missing a Simpsons rerun); (2) that some TV station in Green Bay is justifying the use of their station helicopter, and (3) Brett Favre is God... actually bigger than God, as I don't ever recall a helicopter following God around as he puts the Virgin Mary's face on a tortilla in Mexico.

On Steve's blog, I joked that lots of people are currently better QBs that Favre.  In reality, I contend that CURRENTLY, he barely cracks the Top 10.  Whatever the case may be, I got sick of this drama a month ago while I first saw it while in a hotel room in Albuquerque watching My-Sugar-Na sleep.  Favre is a legend, check.  The Packers believe that Aaron Rodgers in 2008 is a better option than Favre, check.  Favre (whether coerced or not) retired, check.  Favre didn't make it through one off-season before unretiring, check.  Favre will be reinstated into the NFL tomorrow (Monday) morning, check.  Favre either will play the 2008 season for the Packers or not-the-Packers, check.

Everything else is garbage and speculation.

Yesterday, the NFL Network announced that Favre would accept the Packers $20,000,000 bribe personal services contract.  At the same time, ESPN's Ed Werder said that Favre would play again this season.

When the NFL's own mouthpiece can't get it right, you know that nobody knows what the F-bomb is going on.  Now its time to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent.  Too bad its not a Mike Logan one.

What a glorious day in the near-State Fair Park area!  About 78 degrees, low humidity, a nice breeze... kinda makes me wish I was at the Fair today.

The neighborhood was far busier both last night (Friday) and today