I am one of those who will watch A Christmas Story marathon on TBS more than once today.   Watching it last night while I wrapped presents got me thinking about the process of making that movie.  When it was on a few weeks ago, I did some internetting and read all about the movie on Wikipedia, IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes.  Without spending too much of my Christmas morning recapping those three websites, the point I want to address is that the movie was set in a floating period of 1939 through 1942 (it was intentionally not specific) in a made up city that really was Hammond, IN (a Chicago suburb).  The movie was released in 1983 - 25 years ago... and set 40 years earlier

Let's say there was no movie made in 1983 that pretended to be 1940.  Could any filmmaker do this movie in 2008 in the period of about 40 years earlier?  I don't think there would be any chance.

The beauty of A Christmas Story is that there is no hint of any conflict other than within the family as it relates to BB guns, dirty words and a lamp.   Sure, there was political and economic strife in the early '40s... Germany, Japan and Italy were trying to drag the USA into a world war, and the country was just pulling out of the Great Depression.  But had Dad been unemployed for years in the movie?  No.  Did any charachters start a preachy-discussion about Hitler or Mussolini?  No.  Were there any Jewish or Muslim kids in the school hollering that you can't call it "Christmas"?  No.

But this being 2008, I don't see any scenario where the problems of the 60s wouldn't overpower the picture.  The draft and the war in Viet Nam, free love, Haight/Asbury and the Civil Rights movement would surely find their place in the movie.  For example, while reading the paper in the morning, Dad wouldn't mention a non-descript Chicago White Sox player that had been released, he would instead complain about the damn college students protesting the war (and then the on-the-way-to-liberation Mom would comment about how horribly oppressive the draft is).  Another example is that the school would be integrated by then, and some black kid would want to know why Santa wasn't black, or instead of Flick, we would have Goldberg who gives the teacher eight gifts.

Movies just can't be fun anymore.  The conflict of a child wanting a BB gun and the world seemingly stacked against him wouldn't be enough for a movie these days.  Without sending a message (whether subtle, implied or amplified by flashing neon lights) a 21st century filmmaker couldn't pull it off.

So I am glad that A Christmas Story was made when it was, set in the period it was.  The movie still makes me smile, and has quotes ("I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness") that are on par with classic quotes from movies like Caddyshack ("Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir, and I never slice") and Airplane ("Have you ever seen a grown man naked?").

Merry Christmas to all.

1)  When you are driving on the freeway in the snow and the rest of the traffic is going 45 MPH, then YOU should go 45 MPH or else get off the freeway.  If you are afraid to maintain freeway speeds in the snow, park the car in the garage and take the bus.  Along those lines, JS Online had a poll question that asked what annoys people most after a snowfall, fast drivers or slow drivers.  It was a dumb question, it should have asked "which drivers are more dangerous in the snow, fast drivers or slow drivers?"  Slow drivers are far more dangerous because everyone is trying to go around them causing cars to slide while switching lanes, and causing the pokey drivers to panic and drive even slower.  I was behind a car with an easy to memorize vanity plate.  I won't call out her car here, but if I ever get stuck behind her and find that she is soley causing a traffic disaster on I-894 southbound between the Zoo and the Hale again, I will identify her.

2)  Companies (and the one I work for is one of them) have this nice touchy-feeley line in the employee manual that says that it is important to strike a balance between work and family, and that we give you X-number of vacation days (based on tenure).  Then around Thanksgiving, they send the ominous "Use 'em or lose 'em" memo.  If they were so concerned about my balance, they wouldn't have had a problem with me carrying three days into next year... but I digress.  I had three vacation days to burn in December and took the three Mondays off.  Other than shovel snow and make dinner, I did nothing constructive on those days.  Great for balence, eh?

3)  Fantasy Football stinks.  And not just because I finished 7-7 (for the third year in a row) and missed the playoffs and prize money.  Bill Simmons said it the best (read the Chicago Bears comments), but to summarize, it is basically a $120 lottery.  In August you lose yourself in football websites at the expense of family to "prepare" for the draft, in September you dump the $120 entry fee (and if you are truly a sucker like me, you pay $26 for a website that does the week-to-week homework for you).  You spend countless hours caring about an otherwise meaningless Bengals/Browns game because your 3rd best running back is playing (because your best running back got injured the prior week and may not play, but by the time you choose that Browns RB, your first RB is not only healty but scores three TDs).  Despite Chef Tomas' help, my season basically ended 7 minutes into the first game on the first Sunday as my QB Tom Brady got injured.  I picked #3 in the draft and took Brady, and he got me 3 points for the entire season.  By the way, next year's draft is the first Wednesday in September at Riviera Lanes.  If you are interested....

4)  Back to the snow (because, well, it snows every third day, so it should be part of every third rant); My driveway is very long and in back fans out to a three-car garage.  In minor snowfalls, it isn't a big deal to shovel/snowblow.  But in major storms or when the snow is wet and heavy, our snowblower gets cranky (and I get crankier because that driveway seems to get longer).  I had a bright idea to call a couple of plowing services, but I couldn't believe what they quoted.  What happened to guys with plowing attachments on their pick-up trucks doing driveways for $20?

5)  The Christmas music on XM has disappointed me this year.  Last year, the "Holiday Traditions" station (XM channel 36) played the more traditional music and had quite a few instrumentals.  This year, it seems like there is far less variety, and apparently the after the merger with Sirius, the definition of "Tradition" has changed.  They didn't go a far as programming the warbling Kelly Clarkson or Celine Dionne, but I personally banned the station after hearing three times at work yesterday (in my best Casey Kasem voice) The new Number One Hated Christmas Song, The Carpenter's "Merry Christmas Darling".  This morning, I dug out my three Mannheim Steamroller CDs, The Brian Setzer Orchestra's "Boogie-Woogie Christmas" and Harry Connick's "Harry for the Holidays" and took them to work.  All I am missing is my Neil Diamond Christmas cassette tape.

6)  I will be going to Chicago (well, Hoffman Estates) to watch the Milwaukee Wave play the Chicago Storm this Saturday.  I will also watch the rematch from the US Cellular Arena on New Year's Eve.  I plan on comparing the venues, presentation, talent, etc., and talk about the new XSL.  If I get around to it, I will also comment on the rival NISL.

7)  I have a theory on how TV weather forecasters predict snowfall amounts.  First, be the first to predict any snow.  Then let your competitors quote an expected amount (say, 2" - 4").  Then another competitor tops it (3" - 6").  By this time, the storm has gotten closer and the original predictor not only tops it (5" - 10"), but also pin points it to neighborhoods.  The bottom line is that the fish will go to the TV station with the most ominous forecast, so the forecasters need to have the biggest hook.  As long as I am beating up on TV weatherdorks, didja ever notice that when TV stations interrupt their programming for an update from the weather office, the guy has his tie loosened, his top button undone, the coat off and the sleeves rolled up.  20 minutes later when the local news starts, he is fully dressed.  MARKETING, PEOPLE.  That rolled-up-sleeve look is to make you think he is working hard... and everybody falls for it.  They aren't making the weather, they are looking at the radar and reading the National Weather Service alerts.  I am not saying that the weather guys aren't trained and are or aren't worth their money.  I am saying that during rough weather, they are not working so hard that they have to get practically undressed.  They do it so you think they are working that hard.

8)  Which public agency will be the first to cancel an activity or meeting tonight because it is supposed to snow starting between 9:00 and midnight?  Never mind.  I just checked and the Greendale Park and Rec department cancelled an activity for tonight.  It isn't even supposed to START snowing until bedtime!  Arrggghhh!  

9)  Las Vegas got their largest December snowfall in history (4+ inches in some spots) yesterday in the storm that is headed our way.  I can't wait to call a former supplier in Las Vegas and complain to him about sending his weather to us!

10)  Wrap up... My-Sugar-Na said she wanted to guest blog, still waiting... Mitten told me this morning as I was driving him to his school bus stop that it looked like people were already driving slower because snow was expected later today.  And when I looked around, he was right... Gasoline, steel and copper prices are crashing, why am I not seeing price decreases from my suppliers?...  My elbow is feeling much better and my bowling scores are showing it.  I am looking forward to tournament season starting in January... Nice... Not that I am promoting this, but just passing along that the Lingerie Football League has placed a team in Chicago for the 2009 season... Our company is catering lunch tomorrow.  Should be lots of leftovers as I can't imagine good attendance tomorrow... Don't say Happy Holidays.  At least man-up and say which holiday that you want to be happy.  Merry Christmas, Solemn Ramadan, Kwazy Kwanzaa, whatever.  But this is still a country founded by Christians, don't be afraid to say Merry Christmas; you'll be right far more often then you'd be wrong...  If you enjoy my blog, don't be afraid to tell him that I deserve a Christmas Bonus.

(All photos courtesy of www.anokijig.com) 

As many/most/all of you know by now, Wes Malott defeated Ken Simard 216 - 211 to win the $25,000 first prize and a pat on the back in the CLR Carmen Salvino Scorpion Championship this past Sunday at Brunswick Zone Hawthorne Lanes in Vernon Hills, IL (I still say that this would be easier to remember and say.  Or this.)

The day started off on a high note when the great Carmen Salvino threw out the ceremonial first ball....

In the first match of the day, Brad Angelo defeated Jason Couch 225 - 212.  Now begins "The Ken Simard Story"...

Simard had the highest 14-game qualifying total on Thanksgiving Day, averaging 250 for the day.  After the first round of match play on Friday, Simard slipped a little, going 4-4-1 and finishing in 13th place, which advanced him into Friday evening's match play block.  There, he went on a tear by averaging 268.14 for the last seven games.  That is the last seven out of a total of 32 games bowled in the span of 30 hours or so.

But that doesn't even tell the whole story.  In Game 7 of that match play block, Pete Weber had been bowling on the pair directly in front of me.  As Game 7 ended with Simard starting with the first nine strikes for a 279 game, Simard walked past and said to Weber "I must be the world's worst bowler with the front nine strikes".  I don't know if Simard was aware at the time, but his very next game was against Weber on a pair nearby.

Once again, Simard started with the first nine strikes again, and once again had a 9-count in the 10th frame.  Simard smiled and said to Weber "See, I told you".  After finishing for 276, he made the big jump into fourth place, which was important as the top four players made the TV broadcast.  The last game would be a position round, meaning that he would be bowling the player in third place, who was Brad Angelo.  A high score would be critical for Simard, as he had three bowlers within 48 pins of him, and with the 30 bonus pins awarded to a player winning the match, the mathematics means that at least one of those three bowlers would get those bonus pins. (Angelo himself would need a big game, as he was only 18 pins ahead of Simard, but also tied with Steve Jaros for second place.)

Simard started with a strike, and another, and kept on striking through (stop me if you've heard this) nine frames.  With a victory over Angelo already in hand, and therefore a lock on his place on TV, there was one little matter at hand... getting that 10th strike.  Not only did Simard get that 10th strike, he clobbered #s 11 and 12 for a 300 game.  That put Simard into second place, and a spot on TV.

After Angelo dispatched Jason Couch, it was Simard's turn to shine.  He strung the first nine strikes in a row (which was the FOURTH consecutive game in which he accomplished that) and stepped up in the tenth frame with a chance to be the 23rd professional bowler to shoot 300 on TV (18 previously during PBA telecasts, two in senior telecasts, and Michelle Feldman bowled one of the two in the now-defunct PWBA).

Would Ken "I must be the world's worst bowler with the front nine strikes" Simard get the elusive 10th strike?  Sure he would.  But he could not get the 11th one, and defeated Angelo 289 - 199.  Simard would face Malott in the final match.

Simard started the game with a strike, but disaster struck in the second frame as he left a 4 - 6 - 7 split.  In league play, when someone leaves a big, ugly split like this, the common refrain is "a good bowler gets two pins".  Unfortunately, Simard whiffed on all of the pins on the spare attempt, leaving him with a score of 24 after two frames.  Had he been able to get two pins on the spare attempt, he would have had a score of 28.  (It wouldn't be "The Ken Simard Story" if that wasn't going to come back to haunt him, would it?)

Malott and Simard battled the toughening lane conditions throughout the match, as neither bowler was able to get more than a couple of strikes in a row.  Bowling first in the 10th frame, Malott could shut out Simard with two strikes.  Malott got the first strike, then...

A ringing 10-pin.  This opened up the match for Simard, who - deja vooly - needed to strike twice in his 10th frame for the victory.  Simard deja voolied a strike and then a ringing 10-pin to give Malott the victory while sitting on the bench.  Although Simard didn't convert his spare and lost by five pins, it is clear that if Simard would have taken the two pins on his split attempt in the second frame, that spare would have been for the tie... and I am not so sure Simard that would have missed it.

After the match, I talked to Simard and asked him about that split.  He said "I thought about it the entire match.  Taking every pin is always important, and I just threw it away; aggrivated that I had left the split".  He went on to say that the way the lanes were breaking down during that final match, he knew that neither he nor Malott would be able to run away with the match, and it was clear while talking to him that he was disappointed with himself. 

This was only Simard's second appearance on TV, and as the old saying goes, whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.  I am sure Simard doesn't want to hear it, but just the being on TV and throwing two huge shots (the ball for 300 and the ball for the win) will pay dividends in the future.

I really hate reality shows.  Most are pretty very lame, with constant back biting, lying, and non-existant-but-dammit-we're-gonna-tell-you-anyhow storylines.  Considering a show like Stupidvivor, they take over 100 hours of footage of multiple contestants, and edit down to a 46-minute story.  That is NOT reality.  That is a serial protrayed by underpaid, non-union actors.

But I digress.

When pre-My-Sugar-Na and I were dating (Side note, I guess that would have made her Nobody's-Sugar-Na), she insisted that I watch The Amazing Race 4.  What I really liked about it was that nobody voted anybody off, and although the producers continue to edit-in various nasty comments about one racer to another, or focus on an event that has no bearing on the race, the bottom line is that the last team to the Pit Stop is eliminated.  Many of the racers - both male and female - are reasonably good looking and intelligent (as opposed to the snarks on Stupidvivor), and though the cast tends to include middle-aged and woefully out of shape racers, they tend to get weeded out and the strongest players are generally around at the end.

With that said, I bring you the excitement of the James household on this particular Sunday evening as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of Phil Koeghan...

6:00 PM - 60 Minutes is supposed to start, because 60 minutes later, The Amazing Race begins.  Except when it succeeds football.  (For entertainment purposes only,) I was interested in the Pittsburgh v. San Diego outcome.  The Steelers were favored by 5 points, and at this point they were losing 10-8.  Sensing that The Amazing Race wasn't going to start on time, My-Sugar-Na ordered me to eat Sunday dinner.  The football game was paused on the DVR.

6:30 PM - The football game is now unpaused, and I watch Pittsburgh kick a field goal to take an 11-10 lead with second remaining.  San Diego receives the kickoff, and on the final play they attempt a series of laterals to try for the winning score.  During this play, a Pittsburgh defender scoops up an errant lateral and carries it into the end zone for an apparent 17-10 final score.  The James family patriarch lets out a "Woo-hoo" that lasted until they began reviewing the play. 

6:40 PM - With a knife to my wrist, I await the referee's decision.  He stated that there was a flag for an illegal forward pass by San Diego, which would be declined by Pittsburgh and the touchdown would stand.  "Woo-hoo?"  Then CBS does the outcue, showing an 11-10 final on the screen, and Jim Nantz yammering about the play being dead.  So what really happened?  Read this and this and this.  The bottom line is that my entertainment cost me because the referee later admitted that the touchdown should have stood.  My entertainment director (which some people call a bookie) says he feels my pain, but hopes I was entertained.

6:45 PM through 7:30 PM - Instead of trying to take the knife away from my wrists, My-Sugar-Na watches 60 Minutes.  Compassionate, eh?

7:30 PM - The Amazing Race starts.

7:36 PM - The first team to arrive at the Pit Stop in the last episode, brother/sister team Nick and Starr Spangler (who seem to enjoy each other a little too much) open their clue envelope and are told to fly to Almaty, Kazakhstan.  Before the camera cuts away, they count the money they are told that they have (US$103).  Apparently they are concerned CBS will screw them.

7:38 PM - Mother/son team Toni and Dallas Imbimbo leave ten minutes later.  Both Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas go to a local travel agent to arrange for their flight to Kazakhstan.  We see a budding romance between Starr and Dallas, with that sickly sweet music playing in the background.  There is no truth to the rumor that Nick and Toni hook-up out of jealousy.  I do think that it would be weird if the youngins' get married... she would become Starr Imbimbo.

7:40 PM - The Airport Shuffle begins.  Three teams (Nick/Starr, Toni/Dallas and former NFLer Ken Greene and his wife Tina) end up on the "first" flight, which arrives in Almaty at 11:50 PM.  Dating couple Terence Gerchberg and Sarah Leshner get a flight that arrives at 1:20 AM, and Frat brothers Andrew Lappitt and Dan Honig tell us in a cutaway that their flight will arrive "significantly later".  For those Amazing Race watching veterens know, a ten minute Airport Shuffle, combined with a team that gets a bad break equals.... A Bunching Point!!! I had that one called when the lovebirds were at the travel agency!

7:42 PM - Sure enough, the teams from the first two planes arrive at a chicken farm in the middle of the night, only to find the farm opening at 7:30 AM.

7:43 PM - Well, whaddya know.  The Frat brothers (heretofore known as Dandrew) arrive minutes before the chicken farm opens.  Because of bunching points, all teams are now even (thereby rendering the entire Airport Shuffle as meaningless).

7:45 PM - Once the chicken farm opens, the teams get their clue, which is a Roadblock ("A Roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform", reminds Phil.)  One team member has to search the farm among 30,000 chickens to find one of seven golden eggs.  Also in the clue is a Fast Forward (one of only two on the race) in which the team has to go to a restaurant, and each team member has to eat a bowl of a local delicacy, sheep's butt fat.  The team that completes their meal first gets the Fast Forward, which means they can go right to the Pit Stop.  Clearly, winning a Fast Forward is a major advantage.  It is also a gamble, because if you go for the Fast Forward and DON'T win it, you have to go back to the Roadblock and complete the task.

7:48 PM - Both Nick/Starr and Terrance/Sarah go for the Fast Forward.  Only one will win.  The other three teams find their eggs and go onto the next clue, which requires taking a designated crane truck to the next location to meet a Mongol warrior.  Why a crane truck instead of a cab, bicycle, tuk-tuk or llama?  We are never told.

7:50 PM - Terrance is a vegetarian.  The entertainment value of that discounted TD in the Pittsburgh game is paid back by watching Terrance try to eat this stew of sheep fat. 

7:53 PM - Starr especially is enjoying her meal.  Seeing her figure, I don't think Nick lets her eat much.  Nick isn't eating as quickly, but he is putting it down.  Sarah is also getting it down without much problem, but Terrance the Drama Queen can't even swollow the food.  They stay at the restaurant way, way, WAY too long, then decide to cut bait and head back to the chicken farm. 

7:57 PM - Toni/Dallas arrive at the Mongol Warrior and await for an eagle to bring their clue.  It is a Detour ("In this detour, teams have to choose between two local customs..." says Phil.  Phil says this every week, and I highly doubt that the rank and file of each small town do some of the stuff these teams have to do.)  In this Detour, teams can learn a musical instrument that is not worth describing because no team chose to do it, or they can walk to a children's theater, put on a two-person cow costume, walk through the town to a milk stand, drink a glass of milk (with their next clue on the bottom of the glass) which has them go to a local butcher while still in costume to get their next clue.  Ken/Tina follow behind Toni/Dallas.  Dandrew are lost in their crane truck and are asking for directions.  In each Amazing Race series, at least one team acts like Ugly Americans when they can't accept that natives of a particular city or country don't understand English.  Dandrew is not happy that nobody will help them, and they mutter comments under their breath.  Of course, Dan is wearing a Star of David around his neck... maybe that has something to do with the citizens of this predominatly Muslim country to not want to help.

8:00 PM - Nick/Starr complete their meal and head to the Pit Stop.

8:01 PM - Terrance/Sarah get to the chicken farm.  Drama boy can't man-up and eat sheep fat, and apparently he can't put on a Tyvek suit and walk through chicken crap, either.  Sarah, who did eat about half the meal, gets "selected" to do this Roadblock.  So Terrance is a whiner and a sissy.  What does Sarah see in him?

8:06 PM - Nick/Starr get to the Pit Stop and win their fifth leg of the seven episodes.  There is nothing to dislike about the team.  They are good looking, athletic, don't trash other racers, they do their tasks efficiently and correctly, and they are genuinely having a great time on the race.  No way they'll win the million bucks.  None possible.  Bet the under (for entertainment purposes, only).  Meanwhile, Toni/Dallas get the cow costume on and go to get the milk.  At one point, Toni calls Dallas "Baby".  Scary, in a reverse-Oedipus sort of way.

8:08 PM - Ken and Tina are separated in real life, and are on the race to see if they can reconcile.  Ken, leave her in Kazakhstan and go after Toni.  Seriously.  Tina is a bossy lady who doesn't care whose toes she steps on.  It is not necessarily a good trait, and it doesn't make her very likable.  Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.  Meanwhile, the whipped Ken just puts up with it.  Now, Tina (who had a botched facelift and whose face is tighter than the cow costume she put on) is telling Ken what to do, how to put the costume on, hurry up, etc.  She has a voice and mannerism that could cut diamonds.

8:09 PM - Tina, the head of the cow costume, walks past the milk stand.  They realize their error and go back and drink the milk.  Tina complains about the taste, and asks for the clue.  The milk stand operator gives her a blank stare.  She tells Ken they should look around for another milk stand.  Soon, Tina decides that maybe the clue was on the glass (like, you know, the previous clue said it would be).  They decide to walk back to the costume shop and return the cow. 

8:11 PM - Ken says "Are you sure we are supposed to return the costume?"  Tina says "I think so".  Cue the dramatic music.  Sigh.  Never "think" on the race.  When in doubt re-read the clue.

8:12 PM - Toni/Dallas get the clue from the butcher and head to the Pit Stop.  They pass Ken/Tina and tell them they need the costume.  Of course, Tina dismisses it and they walk sans-costume to the butcher shop.  He refuses to give the clue, so they have to go back and put the costume on.  Somehow, Ken will pay for this.  He will pay for it with his soul.  Meanwhile, Dandrew get their costume, and Terrance/Sarah are edited to look close behind... but they find a local to lead them to the milk stand.

8:15 PM - Toni/Dallas get to the Pit Stop in second place.  Ken/Tina get the clue from the butcher and Tina says "we should get a cab".  Ken, growing the manhood that he once had in the NFL (and that Terrance needs), finally speaks up and tells Tina that they need to go on foot, as the clue stated.  They get to the Pit Stop in third place.

8:17 PM - Completing the cow task, Dandrew take a cab to the Pit Stop (where, oh-where is their Ken?)  They get to the Pit Stop, but Phil looks sternly into the camera and tell them to go back to the end of the Detour and complete it properly.

8:21 PM - Now the final editing challenge, er, I mean race to the finish ensues... edited to look like both teams get to the end of the Detour about the same time...  Terrance/Sarah, Dandrew.... both stressing, both worried, could be a two hour difference, could be 30 seconds, we don't know, can you feel the excitement?, hand held cameras running overtime and landing on the mat is........... Dandrew, now officially in fourth place.

8:25 PM - Terrance/Sarah get to the Pit Stop and are Philiminated.  Their last cutaway has them making googley-eyes at each other, saying how much they love each other.  Privately, is Sarah wishing she had a boyfriend that could sack-up and eat some meat for a million shmoleans?

8:28 PM - Next week on The Amazing Race, Nick/Starr are in trouble (Side note; I TOLD YOU!)

Ok, so I'm not really a plumber, not named Joe, from Ohio, or looking to buy the business in which I am currently employed.

By now, most everybody knows (and if you don't, read this) that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher is not named "Joe", is not a liscenced plumber in the State of Ohio, has a lein on his property for back taxes, may not be a registered voter, and is bald.

But like Joe, I would like to be able to ask a question of a political leader and not ground into dirt for it.  Joe and I have other things in common.  I've had a few tax issues, I don't have a liscence or degree in my profession, and I too am bald(ing).

Joe asked a good question, and because Barack Obama stopped in the guy's driveway, he should not have been condemned for asking that question.  Do you know why else I am not an Obama supporter (besides the fact that he is by far the most liberal Presidential candidiate in eons)?  Because he is just a PR stunt.  I was watching PBS' Frontline last week and they had a dual biography of both Obama and John McCain.  While the first 45 minutes or so was kind of by-the-numbers, when they started talking about Obama's first few days in the Senate, they (and define "they" how ever you'd like) started grooming him for this run...

As McCain the maverick was trying to make peace with his party, Obama the newcomer was being urged by party elders to consider a future run for the White House. Within two years of his arrival in the Senate, a window of opportunity seemed open, if he was willing to take the chance.

"I told him he should do it," former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle tells FRONTLINE. "The longer he's in Washington, the more history he has, and the more history he has, the more he's going to be explaining his votes and his actions and his statements and his positions that undermine his message" -- a message that was all about breaking with the past.

My eyes popped open and my mind started racing.  Did I really just hear Daschle imply that he should do nothing, so that he can't be ripped down?  He wasn't a Senator, he was a black figurehead.  As a state senator in Illinois, Obama voted "present" numerous times... often possibly so that the vote couldn't be held against him.  Since "present" is not an option in the US Senate, he went ahead and voted his way to the title of Most Liberal Senator of 2007 according to the National Journal.

But that's not why I am voting for John McCain (though the above is a hell of a reason).  Basically of the two, McCain comes closest to my views (and I want to reiterate the same thing I mentioned around primary time... that of the all of the brilliant university graduates and political scientists, these two morons are the best we could come up with).

On February 19th, as a response to a comment made in this blog entry, I listed what I wanted in a president...

"I can't afford an Obama presidency.  I want a president to stop spending, so taxes can be cut and the deficit reduced.  Defense spending, however, to defend our nation from another 9/11 attack, as well as to prevent attacks on American interests on foreign soil is absolutely critical.  

I want a president that chucks the illegal aliens out of the country (the jailed ones first).  I want a president that is morally conservative - no abortion, no gay marraiges, etc.  I want a president that realizes that this is a global economy and that for an American company to be profitable, components will be made in foreign countries.  We need to embrace this and work to up the exports to those countries of the finished goods.  Balanced with that, I want a president that works to keep government out of businesses.  The less government, the better.  I want a president to understand that the climate of this planet has been changing for millions of years, and that it will continue to change... and to understand that the global climate in 1876 might not be the perfect temperature.  I want a president to appoint conservative judges - both to US courts and the Supreme Court - to try to stem the tide of "feel good" legislation and reduce the mountain-out-of-molehill lawsuits.

Now, find where the platforms of Obama or Clinton (or Huckabee or McCain, for that matter) match up with my views.  I know that George Bush wasn't the ultimate president (not all can be Ronald Reagan), but if he were running for a third term against these dufuses, I would vote Bush in a heartbeat."

WIth that said, I suggest that you take the ABC News "Match-o-Matic II" test.  It is actually more of a game to determine if you can guess which candidate made a particular quote on 12 issues.  I took the test, and of the 12 sets of quotes, I correctly identified McCain on 11 of them.  The one I missed?  It had to do with the myth of global warming (which we all know can't be attributed to man, and that American's can't afford to fix, right?)  See how many statements you agree with.

Because if Obama and his partymates get their death grip on Washington DC next month, God help us all.

I was going to bore everybody with a preview of this 50th anniversary PBA season.  There are significant format changes, a local player (Chad Kloss) back on tour as an exempt player for a second year, and Milwaukee losing not only is tour stop, but the stop was a "Major" tournament to boot.  As a matter of fact, I wrote numerous update pieces during the USBC Masters qualifying at this point last season.

As I was mentally outlining my preview, it occured to me.... nobody cares, otherwise Milwaukee wouldn't be a FORMER stop on the PBA Tour.  So I cobbled this together instead.  Lots of fun... Enjoy!

First, look at all of the superstars in this commercial, including Ray Nitschke, Billy Martin and a younger John Madden...

Although you would lose significant honor points for it, some people (ridiculously) enjoy this other brand of beer instead...

For those of you not into beer, you might enjoy this soft drink commercial (no celebrities, though)...

Maybe you're not thirsty, but are considering a bowling ball purchase.  Best bet is to listen to the professionals...

Not a bowler, but enjoy watching about it?  Maybe this is your style...

Or maybe you prefer to watch this...

Or, you may be like most people who don't care to watch bowling at all.  Maybe you prefer to watch a different, low-rated sport...

Whatever your fancy, just remember this.  Bowling is fun, and you don't have to go to a center with dozens of lanes when this would do...

Finally, a bowling lane does not have to be 60 feet long, nor have pins weighing 3 pounds, 2 ounces when you can have this...

Just make sure to have fun and be safe...

The singular, A-number-1, positively, absolutely most important time in a young man's life is upon us.  For that reason, I can't blog for awhile.

My fantasy football draft is this Wednesday, September 3rd.  Blogging will resume on Thursday.  Other than rib night tonight, nothing else matters. 

Not the kids first day of school tomorrow (not including (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son Mitten who started two weeks ago).  Not the 20 hour commercial for Jerry's kids.  Not my work.  Not even My-Sugar-Na (well, except maybe later tonight!) will come between me and drafting 18 professional football players on Wednesday.  18 men whom I will treat better than my own children, until one gets hurt or a better one comes along.  And if they behave really well and produce above my expectations, those 18 men will consume the Christmas Season.

Accompanying me to the draft Wednesday will be charts, graphs and printouts from on-line sources (inlcuding the one in which I bought a $27 subscription).  Some hope Devine Intervention gets them a good draft.  I prefer mind-numming preparation.  My-Sugar-Na doesn't really mind.  It means she gets the remote control for a few days.

With any luck, My-Sugar-Na will reintroduce me to all four children on Monday, December 29th.  God Bless the people who invented Fantasy Football.

Thank you to everybody who expressed their concern.

Before I get into my rant on the Olympics, let me first, the wrap-up my State Fair commentary.

On the last day of the Fair on Sunday, we were able to park 15 cars... the first 13 (my yard's capacity) were parked in about 90 minutes.  All told for the Fair, we parked 128 cars in 11 days, and we increased our revenue by 40%.  State Fair officials reported a 9% increase in attendance, and I think that perfect weather had a lot to do with it.

When My-Sugar-Na returned, I promised her anything she wanted for dinner.  She chose a return trip to the State Fair, so after parking the last blue Nissan Sentra in our garage about 6:00 PM, we headed northeast, knowing that - at best - we had three hours before closing.  With (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son, Mitten and Official Stepdaughter, Sloppy, in tow, My-Sugar-Na had three things in mind for dinner; onion rings, corn and a hamburger.

When we were at the Fair on Thursday evening, we stood in one particular spot and could smell a heavy dose of onions.  We could see Miss Katie's Diner and a sign for onion rings, so we assumed that was the place.  Although the rings from Miss Katie's were good, I think we figured out that the onion smell was coming from Charlie's Italian Sausage stand.  Smelling them, Mitten decided that was his dinner instead of anywhere else.

Next was a stop at the traditional New Berlin Lions Club corn stand... for corn.  Then we made it to the Beef trailer for My-Sugar-Na's hamburger while I had a surprisingly tender ribeye sandwich.  At that point, she said it was time to go.  Mitten and Sloppy were allowed to stay there while we headed home.  While headed out a little after 7:30, and they had stopped selling tickets.  There were still plenty of people at the Fair - with more coming in - and it made me wonder why the Fair ends at 9:00 on the last Sunday.  Would two more hours hurt anyone?  Based on the number of people that I saw, I would tend to think that there would still be money to be made for vendors and restaurants.

All in all, it was a great Fair... for both the residents of the area as well as the folks that brought you the Fair.  Bring on 2009.

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Which brings me to the Olympics.  I could - and want to - go on and on about what is wrong with the Olympics (side note, I still have a week to rant about them, so stay tuned.)  But my biggest complaint is that the Olympics is about anything BUT the athletes. 

I know that NBC spent a kajillion dollars in television rights fees, and a few bazillion more on all of the technical folks and talent to be on-site in Bejing to bring us the sights and sounds.  And sponsors pay untold amounts to be the Official-this or Official-that.  Then you have the equipment providers that want the athletes to win, only so they can say that their equipment was used by the medal winners.  (You may be saying "But Mr. Freemarket, if NBC and Speedo think they can make a buck, what is the problem?")  The problem is that this is an athletic competition.  But that doesn't seem to matter to anybody.

For example, Michael Phelps will win all those medals.  Neither Phelps the person nor any of his dozen competitors even matter... just the "Michael Phelps brand" does;  the world records, Mark Spitz, his mom hugging Cris Collinsworth, etc.  In every one of the races there are from seven to 31 other competitors.  Not one of those other swimmers matter, basically, they are just ballast to the story.  Did, say, the Swiss swimmer have a recent injury to overcome?  Is the Japanese swimmer in Lane 7 upset that in a previous race there might have been some preferential treatment?  We'll never know, because the "Michael Phelps brand" is in the race.

Another big picture example is that in the telecasts, coverage is slanted to only one opponent.  For the Teenage Girls Gymnastics Team event, it was the USA vs. the Chinese.  Period.  Was anyone else competing?  The only way to find out is outcue to commercials, when the graphics of the current standings are shown.  Near the end, NBC showed a graphic that China was leading the USA by one point.  Then during the floor exercise, Johnny Sac's relative choked, and in the final standings the Chinese won by a couple of points.  A graphic then showed that Romania took the bronze medal a full 7-1/2 points back.  The USA teeny-boppers were falling, fouling and dropping all over the place... in terms of covering the event, it sure would have put it in perspective to see how awful those other teams were.  But nope, no objective broadcasting here.  The brand was the super-cute American girls (who weren't expected to win) against those mean, underage Chinese.

When the world stops adoring the Olympics for something its not (an athletic competition) and accepts something it is (a made-for-TV, infomercial), then maybe I can get into watching them.  Until then, I am banished to the bedroom TV waiting for the Brewers to start their west coast games.

On my way home from work this evening, driving east on Greenfield Ave., I turned right onto 86th St. to see what the parking situation was like.

Dead.  Very, very dead.  When I got to my block, there was not one car on one lawn... as a matter of fact, there was a parking space available on the street right across from our house.  Nobody was even outside waving cars in.  Was it the forecast of a hot, humid day?  Or was it the forecast of potentially heavy rain in the evening?

Last year (on State Fair Monday) when I got home from work, My-Sugar-Na had parked one car on the lawn.  We took that fiver to Capri on 84th & Beloit for their lasagna special.  Today, she decided we were going there without first parking a car.  Such heresy, I say.

As I first slump into the recliner to get some energy to go out, we begin to watch the local “bleeding heart or scare people needlessly entertainment program".  Those friends we can count on did a story on a family that lives on 84th St., across from the Fairgrounds, that has been parking cars since about 1755.  As a matter of fact, this family knocked down a garage wall so that cars could drive directly through to the back of the lot.  Of course, the professional journalists that they are, bring us the story as if residents parking cars in their yards first happened on Saturday.  But they work in Brown Deer... they can't be expected to know about something attended by only 800,000 people per yer.

I thought that was funny.  The slowest day of the year at the Fair, and they run a story on family parkers.

A record setting day in the mobile child delivery system industry.  22 cars parked beat the record (of 21 cars set yesterday).  However to be fair, My-Sugar-Na and I made more money yesterday, as the "Demand is more than supply" theory set the pricing.  And to prove the free market works, today "Supply was more than demand", so pricing needed to be adjusted accordingly.  However as of tonight, we are 60% of what we made last year, with a full week to go.  My theory that more folks are taking local vacations seems to be bearing out. 

However, I did park two cars with Illinois plates today.  They were both good sports, however, none agreed to pay the "The Cubs can *** my *** tax.  They also wouldn't pay the $20 exit fee to leave my driveway.  Typical Cubs fans.

So my lovely bride and I park 22 cars (with a yard capacity of 12) from 11:00 AM through 6:00 PM, and I fire up the ol' grill for dinner.  We eat, I shower, then flop exhaustedly onto the couch with the intent of flipping mindlessly through the channels, while thinking of how I can get to a craps game with my parking take (before My-Sugar-Na blows it all on bills and school supplies).  The plan was to fall asleep on the couch around 8:00 PM, wake up when the missus goes to bed, then get on-line and make this blog entry. 

I start flipping the channels at 4.  Then 5.  Then 6.  Then I drop my remote control.  There is a camera pointed at some clouds in Green Bay, and within seconds, a private plane lands at Apple Struedel airport.  Brett Favre has made it to terra firma in Wisconsin.  But why in the hell are we now watching his car drive to his house?  Why is the camera in the helicopter (why is there a helicopter?) following Favre's SUV OJ-style until he pulls into his garage.  Did Favre kill his former wife and her current lover?  Does he have a gun to his head?  Does this mean the Houston Rockets are about to win the NBA title this week?

No.  It means three things.  It means that (1) it is raining in Green Bay and they are delaying the start of the Packers Family Night exhibition (which in it self is a reason to be upset... we are missing a Simpsons rerun); (2) that some TV station in Green Bay is justifying the use of their station helicopter, and (3) Brett Favre is God... actually bigger than God, as I don't ever recall a helicopter following God around as he puts the Virgin Mary's face on a tortilla in Mexico.

On Steve's blog, I joked that lots of people are currently better QBs that Favre.  In reality, I contend that CURRENTLY, he barely cracks the Top 10.  Whatever the case may be, I got sick of this drama a month ago while I first saw it while in a hotel room in Albuquerque watching My-Sugar-Na sleep.  Favre is a legend, check.  The Packers believe that Aaron Rodgers in 2008 is a better option than Favre, check.  Favre (whether coerced or not) retired, check.  Favre didn't make it through one off-season before unretiring, check.  Favre will be reinstated into the NFL tomorrow (Monday) morning, check.  Favre either will play the 2008 season for the Packers or not-the-Packers, check.

Everything else is garbage and speculation.

Yesterday, the NFL Network announced that Favre would accept the Packers $20,000,000 bribe personal services contract.  At the same time, ESPN's Ed Werder said that Favre would play again this season.

When the NFL's own mouthpiece can't get it right, you know that nobody knows what the F-bomb is going on.  Now its time to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent.  Too bad its not a Mike Logan one.

Some time in 2007, (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Daughter, Gooey, and (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Stepdaughter, Sloppy, concocted Cheer Day.  Conveniently held in conjunction with Sloppy's birthday party, Cheer Day was to be a day when the two girls thrilled us with their repartee of cheers and dances.  However, Gooey had broken her arm in the week leading up to Cheer Day, and on the big day wasn't feeling well.  In other words, the First Annual Cheer Day fizzled.

About two days after the first Cheer Day, the girls started planning the Second Annual Cheer Day... which ended up being today (Saturday 6-7).  Amazingly coincidentally, today was Sloppy's birthday, so a grand gala celebration was in order.  I honestly have to admire the two girls dedication.  Every conversation out of their mouth centered around Cheer Day... even the conversations at Halloween, Christmas, etc.  They planned a menu, a schedule, games and - of course - the cheers.

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Below, please relive Cheer Day with us in pictures.  First up is the preparation of the house, with Knobbleknees and Gooey getting the fruit platter ready, and (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Stepson, Grizzly showing off his sporty summer doo.

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Next up is Grandma, who apparently really loves the late Spunky the Weather Dog's owner.  That red blob on the radar is heading our way... better get Cheer Day started!

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You can already see the sky turning Ominously Dark (it'll cost Crayola a pretty penny to use that color name).  Undaunted, the ladies continue their routine.  It is very clear that they did a lot of practice.

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A standing room only crowd is in attendance.  Out of the range of the camera is Knobbleknees, who is dancing like a groupie at a rock concert.

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The last cheer of the afternoon included the assistant from the audience.  This time, sorta-sister Jendy Wo filled that role.

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Some of the family members took shelter from the Tornado Warning in the basement.  When not taking the photos, (Sponsor's Name Here) was standing on the front porch, watching the storm pass.

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Some families, when riding out the storm in the basement, do arts and crafts to pass the time.  Or pray.  But not the James family.  Below is (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son, Mitten and Mr. Uncie playing a foosball match against Knobbleknees and My-Sugar-Na.

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Finally, since it WAS Sloppy's birthday, everybody gathered up the gumption to go back upstairs, sing Happy Birthday to The Sloppy One, and partake in the Roundy's Birthday Bounty (aka a cake and ice cream from Pick N Save).

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All in all, it was a great day... one of those days that you look back on in 25 years, and remember how great it is to have a big family.  With that said, there is a chance that the Third Annual Cheer Day in 2009 might be expanded.  If my schedule is accurate, we will be selling out the State Fair Grandstand by 2014, Miller Park by 2018, and world domination by 2027.

New York City was fun (but I wouldn't want to live there!)  I did the chronological last week, so instead I will pick some topics which I find interesting (or from which I have interesting photos.  We took about 300 pictures, and printed about 185. Consider yourself lucky you only are seeing this small sampling).  Again, I apologize if you don't care, but at this point my hit-o-meter has regestered your visit, and I thank you.

The reason it took me an extra week to post this was because I had to get the photos back from the Fotomat.  (Side note to