1)  When you are driving on the freeway in the snow and the rest of the traffic is going 45 MPH, then YOU should go 45 MPH or else get off the freeway.  If you are afraid to maintain freeway speeds in the snow, park the car in the garage and take the bus.  Along those lines, JS Online had a poll question that asked what annoys people most after a snowfall, fast drivers or slow drivers.  It was a dumb question, it should have asked "which drivers are more dangerous in the snow, fast drivers or slow drivers?"  Slow drivers are far more dangerous because everyone is trying to go around them causing cars to slide while switching lanes, and causing the pokey drivers to panic and drive even slower.  I was behind a car with an easy to memorize vanity plate.  I won't call out her car here, but if I ever get stuck behind her and find that she is soley causing a traffic disaster on I-894 southbound between the Zoo and the Hale again, I will identify her.

2)  Companies (and the one I work for is one of them) have this nice touchy-feeley line in the employee manual that says that it is important to strike a balance between work and family, and that we give you X-number of vacation days (based on tenure).  Then around Thanksgiving, they send the ominous "Use 'em or lose 'em" memo.  If they were so concerned about my balance, they wouldn't have had a problem with me carrying three days into next year... but I digress.  I had three vacation days to burn in December and took the three Mondays off.  Other than shovel snow and make dinner, I did nothing constructive on those days.  Great for balence, eh?

3)  Fantasy Football stinks.  And not just because I finished 7-7 (for the third year in a row) and missed the playoffs and prize money.  Bill Simmons said it the best (read the Chicago Bears comments), but to summarize, it is basically a $120 lottery.  In August you lose yourself in football websites at the expense of family to "prepare" for the draft, in September you dump the $120 entry fee (and if you are truly a sucker like me, you pay $26 for a website that does the week-to-week homework for you).  You spend countless hours caring about an otherwise meaningless Bengals/Browns game because your 3rd best running back is playing (because your best running back got injured the prior week and may not play, but by the time you choose that Browns RB, your first RB is not only healty but scores three TDs).  Despite Chef Tomas' help, my season basically ended 7 minutes into the first game on the first Sunday as my QB Tom Brady got injured.  I picked #3 in the draft and took Brady, and he got me 3 points for the entire season.  By the way, next year's draft is the first Wednesday in September at Riviera Lanes.  If you are interested....

4)  Back to the snow (because, well, it snows every third day, so it should be part of every third rant); My driveway is very long and in back fans out to a three-car garage.  In minor snowfalls, it isn't a big deal to shovel/snowblow.  But in major storms or when the snow is wet and heavy, our snowblower gets cranky (and I get crankier because that driveway seems to get longer).  I had a bright idea to call a couple of plowing services, but I couldn't believe what they quoted.  What happened to guys with plowing attachments on their pick-up trucks doing driveways for $20?

5)  The Christmas music on XM has disappointed me this year.  Last year, the "Holiday Traditions" station (XM channel 36) played the more traditional music and had quite a few instrumentals.  This year, it seems like there is far less variety, and apparently the after the merger with Sirius, the definition of "Tradition" has changed.  They didn't go a far as programming the warbling Kelly Clarkson or Celine Dionne, but I personally banned the station after hearing three times at work yesterday (in my best Casey Kasem voice) The new Number One Hated Christmas Song, The Carpenter's "Merry Christmas Darling".  This morning, I dug out my three Mannheim Steamroller CDs, The Brian Setzer Orchestra's "Boogie-Woogie Christmas" and Harry Connick's "Harry for the Holidays" and took them to work.  All I am missing is my Neil Diamond Christmas cassette tape.

6)  I will be going to Chicago (well, Hoffman Estates) to watch the Milwaukee Wave play the Chicago Storm this Saturday.  I will also watch the rematch from the US Cellular Arena on New Year's Eve.  I plan on comparing the venues, presentation, talent, etc., and talk about the new XSL.  If I get around to it, I will also comment on the rival NISL.

7)  I have a theory on how TV weather forecasters predict snowfall amounts.  First, be the first to predict any snow.  Then let your competitors quote an expected amount (say, 2" - 4").  Then another competitor tops it (3" - 6").  By this time, the storm has gotten closer and the original predictor not only tops it (5" - 10"), but also pin points it to neighborhoods.  The bottom line is that the fish will go to the TV station with the most ominous forecast, so the forecasters need to have the biggest hook.  As long as I am beating up on TV weatherdorks, didja ever notice that when TV stations interrupt their programming for an update from the weather office, the guy has his tie loosened, his top button undone, the coat off and the sleeves rolled up.  20 minutes later when the local news starts, he is fully dressed.  MARKETING, PEOPLE.  That rolled-up-sleeve look is to make you think he is working hard... and everybody falls for it.  They aren't making the weather, they are looking at the radar and reading the National Weather Service alerts.  I am not saying that the weather guys aren't trained and are or aren't worth their money.  I am saying that during rough weather, they are not working so hard that they have to get practically undressed.  They do it so you think they are working that hard.

8)  Which public agency will be the first to cancel an activity or meeting tonight because it is supposed to snow starting between 9:00 and midnight?  Never mind.  I just checked and the Greendale Park and Rec department cancelled an activity for tonight.  It isn't even supposed to START snowing until bedtime!  Arrggghhh!  

9)  Las Vegas got their largest December snowfall in history (4+ inches in some spots) yesterday in the storm that is headed our way.  I can't wait to call a former supplier in Las Vegas and complain to him about sending his weather to us!

10)  Wrap up... My-Sugar-Na said she wanted to guest blog, still waiting... Mitten told me this morning as I was driving him to his school bus stop that it looked like people were already driving slower because snow was expected later today.  And when I looked around, he was right... Gasoline, steel and copper prices are crashing, why am I not seeing price decreases from my suppliers?...  My elbow is feeling much better and my bowling scores are showing it.  I am looking forward to tournament season starting in January... Nice... Not that I am promoting this, but just passing along that the Lingerie Football League has placed a team in Chicago for the 2009 season... Our company is catering lunch tomorrow.  Should be lots of leftovers as I can't imagine good attendance tomorrow... Don't say Happy Holidays.  At least man-up and say which holiday that you want to be happy.  Merry Christmas, Solemn Ramadan, Kwazy Kwanzaa, whatever.  But this is still a country founded by Christians, don't be afraid to say Merry Christmas; you'll be right far more often then you'd be wrong...  If you enjoy my blog, don't be afraid to tell him that I deserve a Christmas Bonus.

The singular, A-number-1, positively, absolutely most important time in a young man's life is upon us.  For that reason, I can't blog for awhile.

My fantasy football draft is this Wednesday, September 3rd.  Blogging will resume on Thursday.  Other than rib night tonight, nothing else matters. 

Not the kids first day of school tomorrow (not including (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son Mitten who started two weeks ago).  Not the 20 hour commercial for Jerry's kids.  Not my work.  Not even My-Sugar-Na (well, except maybe later tonight!) will come between me and drafting 18 professional football players on Wednesday.  18 men whom I will treat better than my own children, until one gets hurt or a better one comes along.  And if they behave really well and produce above my expectations, those 18 men will consume the Christmas Season.

Accompanying me to the draft Wednesday will be charts, graphs and printouts from on-line sources (inlcuding the one in which I bought a $27 subscription).  Some hope Devine Intervention gets them a good draft.  I prefer mind-numming preparation.  My-Sugar-Na doesn't really mind.  It means she gets the remote control for a few days.

With any luck, My-Sugar-Na will reintroduce me to all four children on Monday, December 29th.  God Bless the people who invented Fantasy Football.

1.  My-Sugar-Na and I stopped by Tommasino Italia' for dinner last night.  The restaurant on 74th & Greenfield (formerly the beloved Doyle's Milwaukee Inn) is owned by Thomas Doyle.  During dinner (fantastic pizza, by the way, with fresh giardinara and parmesan on the side), I spoke with Mr. Doyle.  He stated two very interesting and believable things. 

First, he is amazed that more of his business wasn't from West Allis residents.  Both the Milwaukee Inn and Tommasino Italia' were/are by no means George Webb-priced, but they aren't Eddie Martinis-priced, either.  My large, three topping pizza was about $16, and the restaurant featured checkered tablecloths, linen napkins and good silverware.  Some of the entrees were in the $15ish range, but that certainly compares favorably with other sit-down restaurants.  He said that business has improved since he changed the offerings to Italian, but there is certainly room for more.

The second thing he said was disappointing.  He said that the chain restaurants opening near Mayfair and Brookfield Square are killing the independant restauranteur.  The Cheesecake Factory, Maggiano's Little Italy and Bravo Cucina Italiana - though their employees are locals - take all the profits to their corporate ladder.  Sure, many of their offerings are good, but as Mr. Doyle said, if you ask for a Hollandaise sauce, Maggiano's will open a plastic bag that they received from their supplier.  Mr. Doyle would make his own for you.  All this, and a 60 minute wait for a table at Maggiano's, too. 

I have always, always preferred independant restaurants over chains (that's part of why the Devil Reincarnate has been replaced by My-Sugar-Na).  When I go out of town, I try shun chains (Do I really want to go to Applebee's in Durham, NC?).  I think West Allis residents - in order to keep local businesses healthy - owe it to themselves to make a point to go to independant restaurants... whether it is Tommasino Italia', Painted Parrot, or The Little Cafe.

2.  That nutjob, Mike McGee, Jr., made it on the local “bleeding heart or scare people needlessly entertainment program” (aka the news) from jail the other night.  Why, exactly did channel 4 do this?  McGee didn't say anything other than the garbage he usually does ("I'm a political prisoner", "I will be acquitted", etc).  McGee terrorized his district - and as far as he is concerned - "white" Milwaukee for years to the point where is ego is larger than Terrell Owens.  So channel 4 seeks him out to let him prattle on some more?  He has been held in jail since Memorial Day (that is seven months now) with no end in site, as he awaits both State and Federal trials.  He's done.  Toast (burned toast at that).  Let's leave him be.  We will all be better for it.

3.  Professional Bowlers Association exempt player Chad Kloss, from Greenfield, is back in town after completing the first half of the PBA schedule.  Because of an elbow injury, I am done bowling for the season and Chad bowled as my sub yesterday.  Not only did he shoot 792 for three games (and nobody else on our lanes had more than 650), he also made a bet with teammate one of my good friends - I'll call him Brad.  I don't remember the exact details, something about if Chad makes the Round of 8 in any event in the second half, Brad will shave his head, and if Chad qualifies for TV, he will shave his head.  I could be wrong on the specifics, but it is definatley worth keeping tabs on from early-January till the end of March.

4.  The Federal 2008 omnibus spending bill has been released, and Republicans are calling on George Bush to keep his committment from the 2007 State of the Union address to reduce both the number of Pork Barrel projects and overall pork spending.  I took a look at some of the pork projects (thanks to some prodding from My-Sugar-Na), and I can't believe one particular item that I saw.  Las Vegas is planning to open a Mob History museum in a shuttered post office in downtown.  Well, $200K in federal pork is earmarked for "a post office museum in downtown Las Vegas".  Now, that doesn't mean that they are connected, but they appear to be.  In a city in which billionaires are spending as much as $5,000,000,000 (that's five billion bucks, folks) to build a resort to outclass the guy next door (whose resort is only $4.8 billion), why in the world is my federal tax money going to finance yet another Las Vegas attraction?  A Las Vegas Mob History museum would really satisfy two of my loves, but my discretionary money should pay for it, not my tax money.

5.  To keep the karmic alignment proper, since I praised one West Allis business, I need to talk down one of them.  My-Sugar-Na is starting a new job in late-January (let's keep this to ourself, as her current employer doesn't know yet).  Panicking, she is now trying to find occasional doggie day care for Vier Pogo Squad 51.  I've learned not to argue this with her, and the pastures at the new place are, um, greener, so today she visited one potential place.  Playtime Doggy Daycare on Hwy 100 near I-94 told my wife that pomeranians aren't good at day care, but "we'll give it a shot".  My-Sugar-Na is horrified that her dog has been profiled by The Man (maybe she should talk to Mike McGee, Jr?).  Playtime also wouldn't show her the crating area, where they park the dogs during rest time.  Needless to say, Playtime Doggy Daycare is off of her list and she will continue looking.

6.  Work has been quite slow the past couple weeks for a variety of reasons, allowing me plenty of time for mindless internet searching.  I have seen a couple other blogger's lists of horrible Christmas songs, so I decided to make my own short list.

A.  My Favorite Things, What a Wonderful World, Let There be Peace on Earth, and Same Old Lang Syne.  These are not Christmas songs... they aren't even winter songs (like Jingle Bells and Sleigh Ride).  These songs don't belong during the Christmas season, and I believe that they only exist because they have too many hours to fill when radio stations go to "all-Christmas" formats.

B.  Any "new" Christmas song, because they attempt to be commerially saleable.  If a writer wants to pen a new Christmas song, how about something fun, like Rudolph's new girlfriend, or a strike at Santa's workshop, or something else fun.  But listening to some pop star warbling about how she misses her boyfriend at Christmas time... nah.

C.  Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer is about 20 years past its expiration date.  Kind of a dark song for Christmas, no?

D.  Any song where the singer (usually female [sorry, but true]) whose entire goal is to cover as many octaves as possible to show off (a la Joy Bach) and thereby ruining the song.

E.  Some song (don't know the name) about "Mary did you know / that your baby boy" somthing or other.  Pure schmaltz... Jerry Taff-esqe schmaltz (As Lisa Simpson said "They want cheap sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll be blowing their nose with a pancake".)  That song is extra bad when sung by Mr. Schmaltz, Kenny Rogers.  I need to take a shower.

F.  Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt or Madonna (or anyone else).  Christmas songs should be religious or Santa-ish.  Songs sung from the standpoint of a horny golddigger just don't cut it.  Eartha Kitt was fine purring as Catwoman on Batman, not so fine purring for this song.

You know, maybe this post was long enough to justify multiple entries.  But the damage is done.  If I don't post again this weekend, have a blessed Christmas.  Don't do something stupid like celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, by drinking yourself into oblivion and shooting your neighbor because he bought his wife a new SUV for Christmas and your car broke down.

Until 2002, I was a member of Our Lady Queen of Peace (aka "St. Southgate") on 27th & Euclid.  (Sponsor's Name Here)'s Official Son, Mitten had gone to grade school there from kindergarten through sixth grade.  For various reasons, when I separated from the Devil Reincarnate, I stopped going to that church.  Since then, I have been looking for a new church to attend where I feel comfortable.  I know this is going to drive the touchy-feeley churchgoing readers crazy, but I don't want a touchy-feeley church. 

I have attended bunches of other churches for varying lengths of time over the last five years, but none have grabbed me and made me think "This is it!".  The closest that I have found was Gesu Parish (aka "The Church of the Downtown Jesus"), however, going downtown is quite a trek some mornings (the offset is some of the Marquette students of the female race that attend that church!)  Maybe Gesu is the church for me.

Another concern is the cadre of immediate family members that I need to think of.  Between My-Sugar-Na and all of my children and stepchildren, only Mitten would be regularly interested in attending weekly (and if really pressed, he would rather play his PSP anyway).  In my mind, attending church is a family activity, and the entire family should attend.  But getting the entire family ready, on time, in church clothes, and combed hair, and without me wanting to put any of them through the living room picture window is a major task that I must admit makes me stay home more often than I go.

First things first... I am a Catholic and will remain that.  "Experiencing" a new religion is not on the board.  Neither is "visiting" a different religion's services to "see what we have to offer".  I'm a Catholic, baby.

Within the Catholic church, however, my God differs with many other's God.  My God is vengeful, my God is ominous (for example, some people see God in a sunset, I see God in a severe thunderstorm on the horizon).  Many people like a Mass (or Service) with a piano playing music, or an acoustic guitar, or even a band.  Not me... the most innerds-rattling pipe organ is the music of choice for me.  Church should not be comfortable, so no padded pews... and they must be hardwood pews, not folding chairs.  Sheesh.

Some churches stand during the Eucharistic Prayer (between the Holy, Holy, Holy and the Lord's Prayer).  Not me, I was born a kneeler, and I'll die a kneeler.  And what is with the holding hands during the Lord's Prayer?  Just because I want the Lord to bless all who are reciting it, doesn't mean I want to hold them, too.

And for goodness sakes, dress for church please?  Slacks for everybody (jeans are OK if in decent shape) and NO shorts in the summer.  Dangnabbit, almost all cars and churches are air conditioned... you can wear pants for two hours.  I don't want my kids (nor anybody else) wearing T-shirts with writing or logoes on them (as much as I love the Packers, you can go a couple of hours without your garish green shirt. Same with your Dale Erhnardt shirt, your suggestive shirt and your "This is Marlboro Country" shirt).  The dirty baseball hat can stay in the car, too.  Mass manners, people!

OK, with all that laid out, what Milwaukee-area churches can I attend that fits the bill?  "Pretty" Masses are out, touchy-feeley is out, and some modecum of decent dress would be appreciated.

You know the perfect church I found (but am afriaid to try to get my family to attend)?  St. Hugh of Lincoln (aka "OK, maybe a little too traditional").  Check it out... they require head coverings for the females!  Now to practice my Latin:

Adeste, fideles, laeti triumphantes;
Venite, venite in Bethlehem.
Natum videte Regem angelorum.

Venite adoremus, venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus, Dominum.

On a separate, semi-related note, my prayers go out to Fr. Len Van Vlaenderen (center), who was one of the priests at Our Lady Queen of Peace for about the entire time that I attended that church regularly.  Fr. Len has been battling some personal demons, and I hope he can pull through them and get back to being one of my favorite priests.

Moses appeared on Mt. Sinai with - not two - but THREE stone tablets.  Unfortunatley, as accurately depicted in Mel Brooks' "History of the World, Part I", as Moses descended the mountain, he dropped one of the tablets, and watched in shock as the tablet broke into pieces.

Recently archeologists have uncovered numerous pieces of this third tablet.  Erosion has not been kind to the stone and biblical scholars are trying to decipher God's thoughts as they relate to four of the five newfound commandments.  Amazingly, the part of the stone that contained the 14th commandment has been found completely intact.

"Thou shalt first spread the beans and sour cream onto the tortilla, sprinkle the cheese, THEN apply the meat".

Scholars and archeologists are in complete agreement that applying the beans and cheese first will keep the spoons free of cross-contamination, and placing the hot meat on top of the cheese will allow for significant meltage.  This, they theorize, will reduce the amount of meet and cheese that would otherwise fall out of the burrito or soft taco.

Amen.